Saturday, September 23, 2017
This week's award was a absolute slugfest between four of the biggest names the PDC have to offer all shown live on the BBC, so any soap dodging kiddie fiddler hoping for yet another win for that neolithic organisation terrestrial television have forgotten about may as well crawl away and die right now.
Hoping to snag a early lead in proceedings was Dave "chizzy" Chisnall as once again the St Helens sharpshooter who talks like a drowning mongoloid with a cleft palate folded quicker than the bonnet on Marc Bolans yellow mini.
Also making a early burst for the winning line was "mighty" Michael van Gerwen...world champion, World number one and a sex pest supremo that has put more prostitutes on their backs than Peter Sutcliffe's hammer, as the downy looking fuckstain fell at the first fence against a resurgent Ray Barneveld sporting a brand new Pritt-Stick & public hair wig that Sylvia had cobbled together in the players lounge.
The second round saw the other two contenders for KOTW make a appearance as father of the year Peter "the painted spastic" Wright and Adrian "male breast cancer awareness week" Lewis both got their cunts smashed in with woeful performances.
Round 3 and the race hotted up as Chizzy's sphincter started twitching morse code messages to his underpants, warning of oncoming heavy traffic & skidmarks aplenty.
Mvg tried his usual antics of coughing like he's dying of pleurisy against Taylor yet still got fucking shafted out of the tournament and Snackpot the man who last saw his genitalia around the same time Michael Jackson stopped breathing, rolled over for the third successive game against the headshaking postman.
Winner winner chicken dinner is the one....the only....Peter "fuck paying child support" Wright as the toxic plastic jock spunked eight...yes EIGHT match darts to beat Gary Anderson due to the fact he soiled his underpants faster than Goatse having a sneezing fit the morning after consuming 10 pints of Guinness & a mutton vindaloo.