PDC WORLD MATCHPLAY
I had great hope for this comp prior to its start, although some of the first round games involved players who are soon to be on their way out of the upper echelons of the ranking or players who qualified via the euro events.
Day 1.
The first night started poorly with a mismatched battle of the buddies in Terry Jenkins & Andy Smith.
While Andy seems a nice guy he stinks to high heaven on TV in more ways than one and he simply aint got the game.
The second match of the night was another mismatched affair with the sweaty headshaker against the Mr Bean lookalike for Austria, with the postman winning comfortably.
The third game was the first proper game, and while Part & Wade hardly set any records it did provide a fair bit of entertainment, as did the final match of the night between Klaasen and the fat arsed, squeaky voiced Aussie.
Day 2 Afternoon session
This started with an abysmal match between that money grabbing, hissyfit throwing, slow cunt with a face that looks punctured and looks like its more suited to Sesame street than Blackpool and his opponent the whiney welsh prick who hobbled about like Barrie Bates mark 2.
A stinking turgid affair that sadly went on too long.
Match 2 featured Kevin Painter versus Jamie Lewis and Lewis looked shit and Painter had an easy win without too much trouble.
Peter Wright put in an excellent display I thought against the gomey looking grinch from Belgium, Wright is fast becoming a favorite of mine.
The final match another borefest with midcard wannabe Adonis who still thinks its the 80s up against the boring Dolan and his retarded habit of sticking his tongue out when he throws, sadly someone had to win and it was the paddy.
Day 2 Evening Session
Kicked off with a solid enough performance from Gary Anderson against Merv King, I like king but he aint ever gonna hit these purple patches where he can live with the big boys and again it showed and out he went.
The following match was an awful standard, with that string of piss and wannabe wrestler who laughingly claimed would win 2 world titles against the special Dave Chisnall,, it was like watching lakeshite all over again only without the grannies.
The third match was a steamroller affair where Groper blew away the former BDO #1 10-1.
Kellet was absolute shit and averaged 75, he should spend his money on a new pair of wellington boots to protect his feet from piss when he returns to the BDO to play in piss soaked caravan parks.
The final match saw the expected victory by the progeria suffering orange oompa loompa against a resolute Colin Lloyd , at least the former PDC #1 did better than that sack of shit Kellet, then it would be hard not to.
Day 3
Robert Thornton went out in the first match in what could be classed as the first main shock, going out pathetically to Ian White, throwing strops and being animated when the darts did not go his way.
Up next the battle of the devoid of charisma match was Caven and Newton, and it turned out to be a rather decent game and eye was glad Caven won.
Adrian Lewis put in a fine performance against Ronny Huybrechts....the jury still out on him.
Last up was Mr Lisp ( cheered on by his mother) against ronnie Baxter...seriously Ronnie fuck off.
Day 4..Second round
First up the Headshaker against the slow cunt Pipe, and to make matter worse Pipe won, oh how we laughed.
Whitlock against Painter next was a decent game also although a Whitlock was never really in danger.
Taylor then played Jenkins in a superb game and but for an odd double could have well beaten Taylor, sadly he didn't, but credit to the antique dealer.
Last up was James Wade and Gary Anderson, on paper it looked good and turned out to be brilliant up til Ando managed to do what he has made a habit of doing......fucking things completely up, not that I was complaining.
Day 5
Kicked off with the boring chest beating Hamilton against Ian downy White, an ok game considering the players, sadly Mr Lisp won.
Thankfully Lewis made sure Dolan reached the end of the road, wont miss him either.
The face gurning fat arsed baldy dutch prick disposed of Peter Wright in a solid display and moved on, and the final last game was Caven versus the special Chizzy, and Caven who started bright showed again why he will never be a force on tv with another partial bottle job.
Day 6 Quarter Finals
A fantastic night of darts in terms of results, first up was Taylor against the former cage fighter Pipe...more like a cage dancer in a gay bar, if honest., thankfully the health freak won.
Whitlock against Wade was yet another superb match, and in my biased opinion the match of the tournament to that point, Wade winning was the bonus.
Day 7 Quarter Finals
Thanks be ta fuck Lewis beat Hamilton, the thought of that cunt in a battle next round with MVg in the battle of spastics with roaring , face gurning etc did not bear thinking about, Lewis throw fabulous darts and did just enough in another fine fine game to get over the line.
Final quarterfinal was Darts own special olympics with Special Dave Chisnall in sunshine bus yellow top against the lime green wearing Oompa Loompa, and the younger of the 2 gimpazoids won through to make it a final four of top 4 seeds.
Day 8 Semi Finals
First up was MVG -v- Lewis, and possibly the best game this year and one of the best games ever seen on tv for both averages and drama, utterly fantastic, and the twists and turns made this edge of the seat stuff..
The second semi was a high scoring game but was always gonna seem poor after what it had to follow.Wade never got into it, and was not really allowed to, it was not till Taylor hit a lull did Wade start to perform and even though got to 10 legs a piece it always seemed a case of damage limited and Taylor was never gonna get caught.
Day 9 Final
I was expecting a close game, and hoping for a Lewis win, but even the most anti Taylor dart fan could begrudge what the cunt did in the final, it was unbelievable quality.Lewis hit so many 180s but it did not matter, there were a couple of legs near the end where an odd dart might have changed things when Taylor was nibbling the flights but with those misses Lewis knew it was over and groper pounced and made no mistake.
It was the best Matchplay I witnessed in terms of quality, averages, checkouts and it showed the top 4-8 players in the world are a class apart from the others and the top 3 especially , with Taylor throwing better than ever..
To put things into prospective Kellet averaged 75, 25 points per dart, he could have had 4 darts to Taylors 3 and still would have been 6 points behind lewis, never mind Taylor.
The BDO assholes will try tell those that listen the only difference between the codes is Taylor, am sure if they say it enough times they might eventually convince themselves.
Could you imagine the worlds greatest bottler O Shea turning up with his Lakeshite final average of 82, or The Hammer Andy Hamilton Scott Waites putting down his tools to show up with his 84 Lakeshite average.
We will see how they get on in their upcoming 2 new televised tournaments, oh wait, its a secret, you would think the worry about getting the masters on tv first........hahahaha
ALL HAIL UNCLE BARRY ...THE KING OF DARTS
